It seems that as soon as we are told we have an STD our sexuality becomes
psychologically tainted. We are forced to questioned our moral values and made to
feel like an adolescent trying to feel comfortable with being sexual beings.
At least, that's how I felt. I felt like I had to prove I was still sexy and
worthy to be embraced. I think I took it too far though. Being comfortable in my
own skin again and living with an STD takes time. This reminds me of when I began
to develop breast. I was so worried people would know. I hated breast. All of
the sudden I wasn't daddy's little girl. I was a woman? THE FUCK EWWW! My mom
and sister loved it because they had one on me since they were girly girls. I
now HAD to conform to this world of bit@hes that I knew nothing of. MANNERS! You
have to have manners. Then when I finally accepted my womanhood, BOOM! an STD of
the worst type. God must have a sense of humor. It wasn't until I gave birth
to my first born son and experienced lactation, that, I figured out, "Oh that's
what those things do." I couldn't breastfeed so I would stand in the shower and
squirt the milk to the wall and laugh. I realized how wonderful we are made. Just
perfect in every way!
I have to embrace this body with all it's flaws. I have accept I'm getting
older. I have to accept I have company that never leaves. Life is good! Press on
people. This life is worth living no matter what.
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